Life as it Stands

So it's been a while... How are you? I hope this finds you incredibly well and full of life... if not, than, why? As for me, I think it's time I filled you in on my life, my adventures, misadventures and rambling thoughts. So the first half of my California adventure is nearly at a close and I find myself with more questions than when I left and with fewer questions than I thought I had. I've seen some incredible things... billowing clouds of gold and imaginary gorillas (you know who you are). I came to California seeking peace and rest and found perspective and identity instead. Most importantly, I've begun to understand life for the first time. I find the concept of grace more interesting than ever before. I've come to learn that sometimes it's like receiving your red rider official carbine action BB rifle. And other times it comes with the tearing away of old scabs. Both can be painful, you may just shoot your eye out. Yet, I've come to discover that a life without grace, isn't much fun at all. Once you understand it's freedom and life, you can't help but want to pour it out on everyone around you. I had an experience last Sunday night, that I'm pretty sure has changed my life forever. I had an experience with what I think I'm coining "violent grace". Seems oxymoronic I know, until I heard the Lord give me this little catchphrase, "violent grace subdues a restless heart". A heart lacking in identity and grace will relentlessly and restlessly pursue it any way it can. And, that was me! I would search for it any way I could, through church, school, career, a future wife and kids, you name it my heart was restless for it. But now, for some reason, I'm not anymore. I had a wrestling match with grace, and guess who won... it wasn't me. I've also come to learn that Jason Phillip Urena, was made for something... and that's ok. Fear is such a thief of identity and to be honest I'm kind of done with that crap! Love, accepting that someone has chosen to love me, erases that fear, because I'm just me... and that's ok too! I know this is just about the most random thing I've ever posted, but I'm literally vomiting out the heart right now. I say all of this to say... I love you! And I love you for you! That's changed my heart, maybe it'll fill yours too! I don't really know what I'm saying anymore, so I'm going to wrap this up and say, I'm ok with you, and you being you. I like you being you! We may not see eye to eye and we may not agree on 99.9% of life, but I love you and I don't care who knows it!

Much Love,

-Jay