Profound Subtleties

I'm often blown by the littlest things in life. A rain drop, a simple passing comment, a lyric. For some reason it's always those little things that God uses to hit me with something profound; something deep in His heart that if he used the language it deserved my mind would probably melt like the guy from Raiders of the Lost Ark.
So I was watching The Book of Eli today (if you haven't seen it yet, I highly recommend it), when I have one of these "Royal WHA" moments as my Dad and my cousin T would call it. There's this scene where Denzel Washington has just defended himself against what would seem like insurmountable odds and has just left this town. He's on the outskirts when he realizes that Mila Kunis is following him. He tries to get her to leave but she protests. Here's where I got hit. She says to him, "I hate it here!" to which he simply replies in almost a whisper, "So change it." AHHHHHHH!!! I felt like I got hit by a Mack truck. He doesn't say leave, he doesn't say go somewhere else, he says, "change it." Think about that for a second. Maybe you need a bit more of a background to the movie to really get the impact of this statement (click here). How often am I ready to run out of my situation simply because "I hate it", but instead God says to me, "change it". Just some food for thought.

Friday Night Lights

So I've been in Florida for almost a week now, and last night we made our trek from Orlando to Boca, to visit my aunt. As we drove along on 95, the moon began to peek over the horizon. It was the brightest red/orange moon I have ever seen, and a thought popped into my head. Isn't it interesting that at all times, regardless of the time, there is always some sort of heavenly body in the sky that draws our gaze upwards. I chuckled a little bit when I thought about this, as if I heard Poppa say to me, "See, I'm still here!" Even during a new moon, when the faithful lunar object is no where to be seen, the stars burn brighter in the sky. Why is it such a natural thing for us to be drawn to the sky? Just a little food for thought and a reminder that you're loved deeply and tremendously!

Beauty

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines the word "beauty" as, "a combination of qualities such as shape, color or form that pleases the aesthetic senses". I think that's such a terrible definition of beauty. If that's what true beauty really is, than I'm a piece of crap, and I can't buy into the idea that I would be displeasing to my Father's "aesthetic senses". So what is true beauty? I think true beauty has to come from the Father, the rest is what we do with it. Ezekiel 16:14 says, "And your fame spread among the nations on account of your beauty, because the splendor I had given you made your beauty perfect, declares the Sovereign LORD." And 1 Peter 3:3-4 says, "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." Beauty is so much more than physical attractiveness, because the world's beauty is fleeting, but our beauty is eternal. So having said all of that, I just want to simply remind you that YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

The Story (So Far)

I just finished reading Don Miller's new book, "A Million Miles in A Thousand Years", and I have to say it's quite an amazing book. I've been wrestling with the whole idea of life and just how long it is. I mean I know it's more like a split second compared to eternity, but it's where I am now, and for me the thought of still being around sixty years from now terrifies me. Now, I'm not saying that in a suicidal context, but more of a, "what the hell am I going to do for the rest of my life" type of thing. I was always looking for that climax, that one event where my story would come to a head, and the rest of my life would be smooth and peaceful. I now realize that this will never happen, and as surprised as I am to say this, I'm so grateful that my story will never climax; it makes life so much more worth living. Don, talks about this a little bit in his book, how we're constantly looking for that next best thing and putting expectations on life and friends and God. I am constantly doing this, I'm always walking around with a million expectations jumping around in my head and it's almost never a productive thought. Whether it's wondering if today will be the day I finally win the lottery, to wondering if I'll stop a bank heist (yes, sometimes I really do think about things like that). These thoughts and expectations, I now know, have silenced the ones that really matter, like Daddy telling me, "today's the day I'm going to show you my love a little bit more", and I've ignored it and drowned it out with the droning of my own mind. I think the key to a happy life and knowing who God is and who we are, is letting go of expectations. It's about forgetting about looking for a climax, and joining in the adventure. There are stories going on all around us every nanosecond of every day, but we don't jump into these stories because we think, "nope, that's not part of my story arc; that's not my climax." I think we like to believe that we're the writers of our lives, when really we're just glorified editors of a story that's so much bigger and grander than anything we could ever comprehend. One of the things Miller says in his books is that, "we're all trees in a story about a forest", I love that. It just makes so much sense to me and for the first time I'm content with just being a tree in a story about a forest. I'm letting go of searching for a climax, and instead accepting my invitation into the adventures all around me. And I have to say, it's so good! So please, will you join me?

Romantic

This just happened to be the song that came on my iTunes after posting my last entry....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBp7pTXI7JQ

Bodies in Motion

I've been pondering a lot lately about dancing and romanticism behind it. I'm not talking about the sexual aspect of two bodies grinding on top of each other in the middle of a fog filled dance floor. But the beauty and grace behind two souls moving in perfect syncopation together. I don't know why it's so hard for us, especially men, to be romanced by our King, but I think it breaks His heart, and ours too whether we realize it or not. Sometimes I wonder if God feels like a kid that was stood up by the girl of His dreams on prom night. It's really sad. If you think about it, the way the entire universe is designed, we are constantly in motion. The earth spins which forms a centrifugal force that we call gravity that serves to keep us from flying into space. The planets revolve around the sun and the sun revolves around the center of the Milky Way Galaxy and then the Milky Way revolves around the center of the universe. We are in constant motion, and I have to believe that everything was made in this way. It's His way of pointing us back to the dance floor saying, "Listen to the music I've made for you, the dance that's completely ours and no one Else's. Dance with me my love." It's so unbelievable to think about, that the creator of the Universe just wants to dance with us, His bride, who should only desire Him, and yet I think so often we're all just a bunch of Gomers running around with our legs spread. And yet I still can't get the image of Him standing on that cliche hardwood floor, the spotlight's on Him and there's some cheesy 80's dance song that suddenly sounds brand new because you've never danced to it before. There's a panic and a thrill, and your hand trembles but the second you take that first motion, everything just falls into place and suddenly you're free. I think it's time to dance.

p.s. I hope we can do the electric slide in heaven.

The Music in My Ears, The Rhythm in My Heart

Dying Star

I've been wrestling deeply these past few days with myself. My flaws, my weaknesses, my
shortcomings, my heart, my desires, just everything. Really wrestling with who I am and what I was made for. So tonight I was writing a paper and just listening to some music, when this song by Jason Upton called "Dying Star" came on, and just ripped straight through me. I mean it really just destroyed me in what can only be described as painfully beautiful. Here are the lyrics:

You've got your best man on the front side
You always show your best side
And evil's always on the other side
You say this is your strategy
But son I hope you take it from me
You look just like your enemy
You're full of pride

We better trash our idols if we want to be
In the army of the Lord
And the greatest idol is you and me,
We better get on the threshing floor
When will we learn that God's strategy
Is giving glory to the Lord?
We better trash our idols if we want to be
In the army of the Lord

Star how beautiful you shine
You shine more beautiful than mine
You shine from sea to shining sea
World-wide is your strategy
But shining star I hope you see
If the whole wide world is staring straight at you
They can't see me

I want them to know me
I want to show them my Glory
But they can't see me

So rise, rise, rise
Live out your fantasy
Think that you're better than me
Live out your man-made religiosity
Rise, rise, rise
Live out your strategies
Rise, rise, rise
So that the world can see just another dying star

We better trash our idols if we want to be
In the army of the Lord
And the greatest idol is you and me,
We better get on the threshing floor
When will we learn that God's strategy
Is giving glory to the Lord?
We better trash our idols if we want to be
In the army of the Lord...


Just the fact that I'm writing this note is enough to make me want to ask forgiveness, I know that's not what Dad wants but I just want none of me anymore. I'm just so sick of me, and my ego. I mean I can't even tell you how many times I know I've approached the Holy Spirit as if He were something I had control over, or as a "tool" I could somehow harness. How sick is that!? My heart is so heavy for everything and every time my pride has gotten in the way. And I feel like I'm probably not the only one who feels this way which is why I felt compelled to write this note. The Lord's moving and it should be our desire to catch that wave, but for me, I know that part of me would love to be the next Peter or Paul, and I'm sick of trying to be someone I'm not. I'm done with those ambitions, and although I know my flesh will cling to those desires and fight for them tooth and nail, I think we just need to trust that God is bigger than us; His star is brighter than ours! And we need to stop pretending that we could possibly shine brighter than He does. He is love, and I can tell you that sometimes love hurts... No I take it back, love hurts, but it's beautiful and gracious and kind and patient and forgiving. And I think He would rather us decide to dim our lights that His would shine brighter through us. But don't think that through His love He's going to just let you become your own god, WE mean MORE to HIM than that. Alright so now I'm ranting and I'm like 99.9% sure none of this makes sense anymore, but I wanted to share this with all of you. I want to leave you all with this...

Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom... Freedom reigns in this place...

Love,
Jay